Steel blue waves roll in.
The wet wind kisses my skin
goodbye, sirens chant an ocean song,
singing “wait for me, I won’t be long,
bring me on your journey far,"
The day conceals the invisible star,
that guides me on my journey hence,
to and fro and whence
I came I must return
to the fire, a phoenix burned
to ashes, scattered at sea
upon waves eternal, rolling home to thee.
(Image courtesy of Google and may be subject to copywrite)
Russell--
ReplyDeleteI like how sitting by the footbridge made you think of this! It is fascinating how many different directions one scene can take people in--I guess as many directions as there are people! I like the image of the "wet wind" and and "the day conceals the invisible star that guides me on my journey" and the juxtaposition of the water imagery with that of fire. Why do the sirens want to come along on the narrator's journey? Don't they usually seduce sailors and destroy them? Is that the "whence" to which he is returning? And doesn't a phoenix usually come from the ashes? Are you trying to say something specific with this poem or just create a memorable image?
Hey, just for kicks, maybe you should try to write a poem that doesn't rhyme! Hee-hee.
Cheers,
Tiffany
I really like this poem; I think it's alot different than your others. I like how the narrator is being called out to the ocean but he knows he must return home. I like the image of the phoenix and the ashes on the water. I'm just a little confused on where his journey is really going to be taking him.
ReplyDeleteRussell,
ReplyDeleteThis would probably be my favorite poem that you written so far.
I like your line
-singing “wait for me, I won’t be long,
bring me on your journey far,"
the use of quotations really give a great dialogue and show the personification of the ocean. Great job!
I think if you made the line - to and fro and whence a bit longer it would fit the meter better.
Maggie
Russell,
ReplyDeleteThis poem is very easy to follow but portrays a very good mood. I like the line "The day conceals the invisible star" because there is always something there but sometimes it is impossible to see. Just make sure you watch the meter of the lines, sometimes the lines that rhyme don't seem to fit because of the difference in syllables.
Great poem!
Lisa
Russell,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this poem. It's a lot different than everyone else's poems or points on nature. I like the line that said how the wet wind kisses my skin goodbye. The personification of the wind is great!
Awesome job :)
I think the virtue of this poem is in its mysteriousness.
ReplyDelete