She gazed around the room from beneath her false eyelashes, beyond her rouged cheeks and sculpted nose to the man who was her date. Did he notice her carefully placed lipstick, smeared beyond the edge of her lips in hopeful illusion?
As she listened to him drone on and on, she focused on wiggling her trapped feet, nestled deep within stiff, expensive running shoes. Men never really have anything interesting to say, after all, and personal comfort was so, well, comforting. Hands half concealed by overly-large grey sweatshirt, her fingers touched one another sensuously. She smiled, her lipstick smeared face stretching over bulging cheek muscles - you could tell the woman smiled a lot by the sheer size of her face.
The man she was with was handsome, with grey hair but he had aged well. In his striped shirt and khaki pants he seemed ready for a golf tournament. Perhaps he would invite her on one. Is she really paying any attention to me? he wondered, and simultaneously, do I care? Maybe I'll just take her back to my place and play hide the salami. He hoped no one was reading his mind as he thought these embarrassing, revealing thoughts. Little did he know!
I like the description of the lipstick "smeared...in hopeful illusion." Also a great line: "You could tell the woman smiled a lot by the sheer size of her face." I witnessed the same scene. Did you really think she wasn't listening to him either? I'm not sure why it seemed that way to me...I guess she just look like someone who'd be self-involved, but I suppose it takes one to know one. That's a dig at myself, not you, just to be clear.
ReplyDeleteactually she looked nice enough to me, probably played tennis, hung out at the country club, enough money to live pretty comfortably and a handsome, similar man there to boot, he seemed nice enough, but hey, if Russell disagrees with me, who am I to say.
ReplyDeletei like the line about about her lipstick smeared face stretching across bulging cheek muscles. it's really descriptive. But from a girl's perspective, we probably wouldn't go on a date in running attire.. or we probably wouldn't wear lipstick when we go runnning..
ReplyDeleteRussell, I like the line "Did he notice her carefully placed lipstick, smeared beyond the edge of her lips in hopeful illusion?" It is like she really tried to make herself look good but it really didn't. You interpreted by saying that not many men would be able to tell. I agree with that. I wonder what the girl was actually thinking though. Do you think she cared? Was she just thinking about something more important in her life? Did something drastic just happened in her life and she tried to cover it up with makeup but it didn't really work? This could mean so much, but I like that you noticed this kind of thing.
ReplyDelete"she focused on wiggling her trapped feet" i really like this line.
ReplyDeletegreat work you create the characters well and its an enjoyable read, interesting to see what this would become...
"She smiled, her lipstick.... of her face." is my favourite line. Really great description and detail!I feel like I already know the girl, you're really good at creating a scene with characters.
ReplyDeleteI liked the first paragraph - I thought it was great how started by describing the character. I agree with Nikki ...I am interested to see what kind of story this could turn into!
ReplyDelete